Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
