found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
