Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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