I will die if light touches me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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