He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
