I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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