Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
