My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
