well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
