Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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