I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
