I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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