im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize