So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
ok first of all what the fuck
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize