so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
