At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
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