You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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