We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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