I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
