Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Can I color on your dick again?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
