Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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