I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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