I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
