none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
