dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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