even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
They are going to name an STD after you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
