is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
