She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
