dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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