youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you would pick up someone in the library
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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