You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
