Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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