Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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