Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
