Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
