Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
