So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
