Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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