Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
