Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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