I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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