It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
