Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
