Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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