That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
