I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize