I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
