hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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