There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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