they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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