She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
