are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
