Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
