i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
