just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
