I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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