Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize