I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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