You're so nebulous sometimes
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
