You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
