I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
