please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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