Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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