Only a mothe r could love this liver
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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