I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
