maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
