I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
