So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
