am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
