and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
