omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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