I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
