The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
