my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
