I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
And then my night got REAL pukey
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize