it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
